Umm I'm too high to move.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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