I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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