They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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