very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
