Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I faked an abortion last night.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
