I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
