well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
