my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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