is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
