i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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