I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
