paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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