it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
