is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
