The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
