Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
