every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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