You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
