Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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