She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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