Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
