how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
