Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He? As in you personified your dick?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
