Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
pray to the hookup gods
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
