oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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