those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just pee around me
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
