You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
