Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
