Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
