I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
