Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
