I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
