My room smells like vodka and shame
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
