I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
