I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
