I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
