OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize