I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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