They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
This girl is more easily done than said...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
