Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
not ubering you a puppy
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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