We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
