Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
