he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
