Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
