My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
