Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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