I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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