I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
