If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
