You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
