1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
