I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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