Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
