Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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