wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
