just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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