3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
