I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
