I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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