I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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