Do you still have your period?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
