I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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