he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
