I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
