ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
