frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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