Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
